“I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.” Luke 24:49
I grew up in a Christian family. At a young age, I realized I was a sinner that needed a Savior. I surrendered my life to Jesus. In my childhood, I learned many stories from the Bible. In my youth, I wrestled to make faith my own. In adulthood, I worked very hard to obey and please the Father.
But in April 2017 I was taught about the promise from the Father. Acts 1:4-5, 8 describes the promise: “Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised…For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you.”
Baptized with the Spirit. Power from on High. Empowerment by the Holy Spirit.
What did I believe about the role of Holy Spirit in my life? There are three “uns” I had to deal with when learning about Holy Spirit.
#1 Unbelief- Oh, I believed in the Holy Spirit. I believed that He was God and that He was all powerful. I knew that I had received Holy Spirit at the age of five when I surrendered my life to Jesus. But surrender to the Spirit? Hadn’t I done that when I “got saved”? The Father, the Son and the Spirit are One. Was I being taught to add something to salvation if I surrendered to the Spirit?
I examined my life. I had served the Lord faithfully - bible college, missionary, youth pastor, pastor. I had worked so hard to follow the Lord. But what I did not see in my life was empowerment.
Galatians 3:2-3 asks three questions: “Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?”
Yes, I had received the Spirit by believing in Jesus for salvation.
Yes, I can act foolish.
And, yes, I was trying to live the Christian life by working hard to obey Jesus.
I did not have empowerment. I wanted it. I needed it. So, by faith I asked Jesus to baptize me with His Spirit to empower me to live the Christian life. I remember opening my eyes expecting to see or feel something different. I waited. And I waited. And I waited some more.
I went on with life. I pretty much forgot that I had asked Jesus to empower me with His Spirit. About a year later, He taught me about the second “un”.
#2 Unforgiveness - At the age of five, I gave my life to Christ. Around the same time, I was sexually molested by a man who was a family friend. I suppressed those memories until I was in my early thirties. When I finally started to deal with my past, the pain came out in deep anger and depression. I was able to verbalize what had happened, but I struggled to forgive. I would share the pain, but it would rip the scab off the wound in my heart. I knew Scripture told me to forgive “seventy times seven” (or as often as necessary) but it kept eating at me. I wanted him to die. I had carried this burden for 45 years. Surely he should have to suffer as much as me for causing this pain.
In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
I felt I deserved the right to inflict as much pain on him as he had caused me. It wasn’t fair. How could God ask me to just drop this? How can he get away with hurting me like he did?
Jesus said to me, “But I’ve forgiven you of everything, Brad. I didn’t design you to live under this burden. Trust me to carry this. Only the cross can heal this wound in your heart.”
I asked the Spirit to help me forgive the man who molested me. I gave it all to Him. Jesus set me free and healed the wound inside of me.
God was bringing healing in my life as I listened and surrendered to the Spirit. But could I trust Him with the deepest thing?
#3 Unconfessed sin - I was learning about the Spirit and His power to free me from things in my past. But I still could not shake my depression. Every day I took a pill to mask the pain that still lingered.
At a men’s retreat, a speaker talked about doors in our lives that had been opened that needed to be shut. He said he had seen people healed as they closed doors in their lives. But could God heal me of depression?
When the opportunity came to respond to his message, I went forward. They asked me why I was up there. “That man said God might want to heal me of depression.”
“When did the depression start?” they asked.
It had started 18 years ago when I was a missionary. I was overwhelmed and I couldn’t fix all the problems going on around me.
So they encouraged me to pray and ask the Spirit if there was anything I needed to deal with. There was only one thing that came into my mind, and it was the one thing I had promised myself I would never tell anyone. It was too bad. It was unforgivable.
But it needed to be said out loud. I could not do it. I tried again - still nothing. The third time it just spilled out. I had fooled around with my sister in my teen years. I had so much guilt and shame. I wept. But even after this confession, we began to realize it was something deeper that was at the root of my depression. All of my sinful symptoms were being caused by a deeper issue.
Trying to get to the root, I was then asked, “What is the lie you believe about who you are?”
I asked the Lord and he showed me walking home from school with a friend in the 6th grade. My friend asked me if I was adopted since I did not look like my siblings. I asked my dad when I got home if it was true. Was I adopted? He said, “Of course not!” But the lie I started to believe that day was that I was not good enough and that I would have to do anything to get people to like/love me.
I felt unworthy to be loved so had gone to any measure to feel loved.
James 5:16 tells us, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
I confessed my sin. God showed me the lie. I started listening to who He said I am rather than my flesh or the world around me.
Lies have more authority in our lives than what we think. Allow Jesus to shine His light on every area of your life. Allow Him to replace the lie with truth.
And He healed me of depression.
The freedom and healing I have experienced started when I was asked, “Have you asked Jesus to baptize you with Holy Spirit?”
What do you believe about the person of the Holy Spirit? Does the Spirit really do what Jesus promised the Spirit would do? And if He does, how might that change your life?
