In the summer of ‘23, I suddenly found myself tired, discouraged, and feeling like I was a failure in ministry. While it would take a long time to describe what was leading to this situation, I finally realized that I had given in to shame. This season led Angie and I to take a sabbatical in September and October. It was an incredible season of resting, wrestling, and encountering the Lord in some new and healing ways.
I have seen how the Lord continues to meet me when I am vulnerable and open in community. One of the core frustrations is that I felt stuck in my walk with Jesus and felt unable to change in places that have felt broken in my life. As I have been sitting with the Lord in the mornings, occasionally he has given me words that I have tried to put in a poem or a short writing to express what I feel in a vulnerable space. For this blog, I wanted to share two that came recently in December and I hope that can be of some encouragement to you.
Written Dec 13, 2023
I Am Making All Things New
I said you are new
Your memories say to look back
What does this benefit?
The memories come, and the pain rises.
The regret settles, and the shame blankets.
This isn’t me, this is not my heart.
I have overcome. I see above.
How does this work?
One must see what I see
When the regret comes and the pain rises.
Sit. Wait. And invite.
Yes, you don’t have to run. You don’t have to hide.
Just sit, remain, and invite. I will come into that space.
I am not embarrassed. I am not disgusted. You are. Yes, it seems bad.
I came into the mess. I come into the pain.
I remain. I dwell. I sit. I weep. I don’t leave.
Then I clean, I remove, and I change.
What was once dirty becomes clean.
Hand me your shame.
Hand me your regrets.
Walk with me. Trust me.
I am here. I am healing.
The Exchange
All is being renewed.
Brokenness to wholeness.
Sickness to health.
Tragedy to triumph.
Discouraged to encouraged.
Chaos to order.
Confusion to clarity.
Pain to joy.
Sadness to happiness.
Bankrupt to overflowing.
Orphan to son.
Perversion to purity.
Stuck to moving forward.
Grief to delight.
This is my way.
Receive my hope today.
I am making all things new.
