I sought the Lord and, despite my unbelief, he answered me. Even if my reply of love is weak and barely audible, my heavenly mate continues to call for me, beckoning me to turn my face toward him. A sweet assurance that nothing could be more true than his love for me. He thinks I’m beautiful. He delights in my face. He loves the sound of my voice. He desires for me to come away with him. He is calling me higher and out of hiding. He loves me.
"Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, In the crannies of the cliff, Let me see your face, Let me hear your voice, For your voice is sweet, And your face is lovely." -Song of Songs 2:13-14
Over the last couple years, it has become evident to me that I don’t know how to love others well. Part of me has always known this, but recently, the Lord has been revealing it in greater measure. While my outward actions may show love, inwardly there is a deficit. My love doesn’t feel like a free gift. It’s one that comes with expectation, obligation and keeps a record of wrongs. It’s a far departure from a 1 Corinthians 13 type of love.
As I’ve become more aware of my lack of ability to love, I have been asking the Lord to teach me how to love. Let me tell you, it’s amazing what the Lord will do with an “ask.” Though I’ve learned much in this season from friends, books, and teachings - nothing matches the still and quiet voice of Jesus. Nothing.
One morning, as I was sitting with him and asking him to “please show me how to unconditionally love others,” I heard his gentle reply: “Until you believe that I love you, you will not be able to fully love others.”
Truth be told, I was a little surprised by his reply because I really thought I had opened myself up so much to his love in the last years. But, slowly the Lord began to show me the lies I have continued to believe about myself. Lies I’ve allowed the enemy to keep whispering in my ear. I’ve spent too many years listening to the wrong voice about myself and still allow him to say things like:
You’re not worthy of being loved.
You have nothing to offer anyone.
You’re shy and have nothing to say.
You have been given no apparent gifts from the Lord.
I continue to render myself unlovable, even by the one who created me. As a result of listening to the voice of the enemy, I’ve had so many defensive walls up that love has not been allowed in. I’ve heard it said, “you can’t give away what you don’t have,” and in the case of loving others this couldn’t be more true. How could I know how to love someone else if I’ve never fully allowed myself to be loved?
After the Lord revealed some of these foundational lies I continued to stand on, I knew I had to, first of all repent for agreeing with these lies, and then find truths to combat the lies. As I spent time with him, Jesus began to point out truths in scripture about what he thinks of me. One of my favorite verses he brought me to is from Song of Solomon 2:13-14 and says,
Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.
O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
In the crannies of the cliff,
Let me see your face,
Let me hear your voice,
For your voice is sweet,
And your face is lovely.
As I was memorizing this one day in the quiet of my house, I found myself cringing and literally wanting to turn my face away from God. Nothing in me believed the Lord thought my voice was sweet and my face was lovely. When I recognized my reaction for what it was, I said to the Lord, “I’m having a hard time with these verses. Are they really true? Do you really feel this way about me?”
Sometimes I feel so needy coming to the Lord again and again for reassurance, but the moment I asked those questions, something beautiful began to happen. I heard a bird calling very loudly right outside my window. I looked and couldn’t see it anywhere but it kept persistently calling. The sound of it was so near that if someone had told me a bird was in my living room somewhere I would have believed it.
Though I don’t know my birds well, I knew enough for it to possibly be the call of a dove. After a quick google search, I found that, sure enough, it was the mating call of a dove. A male dove. “Males call to attract a mate while females reply so quietly they might not be audible,” said one website.
I sought the Lord and, despite my unbelief, he answered me. Even if my reply of love is weak and barely audible, my heavenly mate continues to call for me, beckoning me to turn my face toward him. A sweet assurance that nothing could be more true than his love for me. He thinks I’m beautiful. He delights in my face. He loves the sound of my voice. He desires for me to come away with him. He is calling me higher and out of hiding.
He loves me.
“And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” Ephesians 3:18-19
